Managing a Loss

They will pick up your loved one and walk you through the next steps. If your loved one was in hospice, hospice handles the call. If they died at home unexpectedly or in a hospital, you'll need to make this call.

Just the closest people first. Don't feel pressure to make it public — that can wait. A few text messages or calls to whoever needs to know now.

A will, advance directives, life insurance policies, pre-paid funeral contracts. Often in a fireproof box, a safe deposit box, or with the family attorney. If you can't find them today, that's okay — but start looking.

Who's feeding the cat? Picking up kids from school? Locking the house? Practical things you might not be thinking about. Ask someone close to you to handle these.

Funeral, memorial, graveside, celebration of life, private gathering, no service — all are valid. The funeral home will help you think through options. There's no right answer.

A short paragraph about who they were, what they did, who they loved, and details of the service. Most funeral homes can help draft one. Local papers and online publications can run them.

A group text, a Facebook post, a phone tree — whatever fits. Many families designate one person to handle the broader notifications so the closest grievers don't have to.

If you're having a service that needs an officiant — religious, secular, or someone in between — line them up early. Funeral homes typically have a list of officiants available.

The seven-day mourning period at home, where family receives visitors. Cover mirrors, sit on low stools, accept meals, share stories. Your synagogue or Chevra Kadisha can help arrange the practical parts (a shiva platter, daily minyan).

Traditional Jewish burial happens as soon as possible — typically within 24 hours, never on Shabbat. The Chevra Kadisha handles the body preparation (tahara). Confirm with the funeral home that they will coordinate accordingly.

Contact the parish to schedule the Funeral Mass, typically 2–4 days after death. Discuss the Vigil (wake), the Mass itself, and the Rite of Committal at the cemetery. The priest will walk you through readings and music selections.

Islamic tradition requires burial as soon as possible (ideally within 24 hours), with ghusl (ritual washing) by community members of the same gender, followed by the Janazah prayer at the mosque before burial. Call the local Islamic Center first — they will coordinate everything.

Most Christian denominations support either a funeral service (with the body present) or a memorial (after burial/cremation). Talk to your pastor about service order, hymns, and readings.

Many Buddhist traditions hold that the consciousness journeys for 49 days after death, with rituals and offerings on the 7th, 14th, 21st, 28th, 35th, 42nd, and 49th days. A Buddhist temple can guide you through what fits your tradition.

If your loved one had assets that need to transfer, you'll likely need probate (the legal process to settle the estate). An estate attorney handles the paperwork and timeline.

Social Security needs to know — usually the funeral home reports this. If your loved one was a veteran, contact the VA for survivor benefits and burial assistance. Notify Medicare/Medicaid if applicable.

Employer (for final paycheck and benefits), banks, credit cards, mortgage holder, utility companies, insurance providers (life and health), accountant. You'll need a death certificate for most of these — order multiple copies.

Life insurance claims, survivor benefits, pension benefits, VA benefits, employer benefits. Each has its own paperwork and timeline. Keep a folder. Make copies.

Subscriptions, memberships, mobile phone, streaming services, online accounts (email, social media). Some will need a death certificate, some won't. This is okay to do gradually — there's no rush.

Funeral costs can be overwhelming. Many funeral homes offer payment plans. The Texas Funeral Service Commission lists assistance programs. The VA covers burial costs for veterans. Crowdfunding platforms (GoFundMe) and faith communities often help.

Individual therapy, support groups, or both. Many people benefit even if they don't feel they "need" it. Hospice patients' families typically get free grief support for 13 months — even if you didn't use hospice, similar resources exist.

Faith community, friends, support groups, online forums. Isolation deepens grief. Even when it feels easier to disappear, reach out to one person.

There is no timeline. The first year is hard — the holidays, the birthday, the anniversary. The second year is sometimes harder than the first. Eat. Sleep. Move. Cry when you need to. There is no wrong way to grieve.

Some families do something each year — a meal, a trip, a quiet moment. Some don't. Whatever you do, do it on purpose. Acknowledge the days that matter.