Supporting a Loved One

If pain or symptoms aren't controlled, that's the most important thing to fix. Hospice and palliative care exist precisely for this. Don't hesitate to ask for more — better medication, more help, a different approach.

Hospice provides comprehensive support — medical, emotional, spiritual, practical — for patients with a prognosis of 6 months or less. It's covered by Medicare, Medicaid, and most insurance. Many families wish they'd called sooner.

One person who coordinates with care providers, makes the daily decisions, and updates the rest of the family. Burnout is real — rotate when needed. This person should not have to carry it alone.

When someone is in hospice, you usually call hospice — not 911. (Calling 911 can result in unwanted resuscitation.) Make sure everyone in the house knows the right numbers.

If your loved one is still able to sign documents and they don't have these in place, get them done now. An estate attorney can do this in a single visit, or hospice often has resources.

If there's no will, the state decides who gets what. Even a simple will is much better than nothing. If there is a will, confirm it reflects current wishes.

Birth certificate, marriage certificate, insurance policies, financial account info, military discharge papers (DD-214, important for veteran benefits), passwords. Put them somewhere known and safe.

If your loved one wants to talk about life, regrets, love, forgiveness, or just stories — make space. Some don't want to. Both are okay. Listen for what they need.

Hospice teams typically include a chaplain regardless of the family's tradition. Their job is presence, not conversion. They're there for the patient, the caregivers, and anyone who needs it.

Some Jewish traditions include a final confession and prayer. A rabbi or chaplain can guide the family through this if your loved one wishes.

A Catholic priest performs the sacrament of anointing for those seriously ill or near death. Call the parish — many have priests on call for hospital and home visits.

In Islamic tradition, family and friends recite the Shahada (declaration of faith) with the dying person, helping them depart in faith. Your imam or any practicing Muslim can lead this.

Many Buddhist traditions emphasize a peaceful, undisturbed environment for the dying — soft voices, minimal interventions, perhaps quiet chanting or meditation. A Buddhist chaplain can help.

Anticipatory grief is real. The grieving doesn't start when someone dies — it starts when you realize they will. Grief counseling, support groups, or just talking to a friend can help.

Caregivers burn out. Eat. Sleep when you can. Accept help when offered. Step out of the room when you need to. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

Tour one or two. They'll discuss options with you and your loved one (if they want to be involved). Pick one before you need them — when the time comes, you'll have one fewer impossible decision to make.

Burial, cremation, natural burial, body donation — each has meaning. Whose preference matters? The person dying, almost always. Honor what they want.

A traditional funeral, a memorial service, a private gathering, nothing at all? What music, what readings, who speaks? These are gifts to the family — clarity in a moment when clarity is impossible.